Emotional Spirals in Headship
As a well-being coach for headteachers, I understand how easily one challenging moment can throw us off balance. A tough meeting, an unexpected complaint, or a critical email can leave us unsettled. Then, as the day progresses, it seems like everything conspires to test our patience. We start anticipating more bad news, overanalysing emails, and ruminating on conversations with a growing sense of unease.
Emotional spirals, whether triggered by stress or overwhelm, have their own momentum. When we’re caught in one, they distort our thinking and drive behaviours that make the situation worse. For headteachers, this might look like withdrawing from your team, replaying difficult conversations in your mind, isolating yourself from support, or sacrificing movement and exercise in the name of “getting on top of things.” While working through the to do list may feel like the easiest or most comfortable option at the time, this can deepen feelings of anxiety, disconnection and exhaustion.
The key to breaking a downward spiral often lies in doing the opposite of what instinct tells us. It requires us to reach out for connection, engage in movement, or reframe our perspective—actions that feel difficult in the moment but create a much-needed disruption.
A couple of weeks ago, I found myself completely overwhelmed. Life felt like a never-ending to-do list: sorting banking and broadband issues, managing my kids’ emotional ups and downs, organising and then re-organising projects and clients, balancing a busy coaching workload, and launching an app—all while feeling drained and desperate for a break despite only just having half term!
My mind kept cycling through all the things that were going wrong, fixating on the negatives. The more I focused on what wasn’t working and what I had left to do, the harder it felt to make any progress. It was like being caught in a downward spiral—mentally and emotionally trapped.
Even as a well-being coach, fully aware of the steps I needed to take—steps I regularly guide others through—I found myself so entangled in my own thoughts and resistance that it felt easier to surrender to the chaos. What started to help me climb out wasn’t a dramatic fix or an overnight shift. I often tell my headteacher coachees that I believe a positive experience can help to heal a negative one, and so I knew to look to change things up. As much as I felt like staying at home for the weekend, I booked a train, a hotel room and a pair of cinema tickets. I had committed myself to leaving the house, the life admin and the laundry behind. The first step out of the spiral was small, It began with a small step: changing my environment, booking a weekend away, and later, opening up to a trusted friend. Talking it through with someone who really listened helped me realise how trapped I’d been in my own head. I’d been ruminating on trivial problems and losing sight of the bigger picture. (Not the first time - ah ha - a pattern!)
The thing about emotional spirals is that they feed on themselves. When we’re in a downward one, it’s easy to feel powerless and stuck because our thoughts and actions reinforce that feeling. I’d been withdrawing, avoiding moments of connection, and trying to push through without taking care of myself as well as I could have been.
But here’s the key: to break free, we often have to do the opposite of what we feel like doing. For me, that meant stepping outside my routine, reaching out for trusted support, and prioritising something restorative.
The good news is that positive actions, no matter how small, have their own momentum too. That weekend away broke my cycle of negativity. I was able to step back, breathe, and notice what was still good in my life. I started to feel lighter, more open to solutions, and more attuned to the positive moments around me. I could see opportunities where before I’d only seen problems. My train this morning was cancelled, but instead of it being the straw that broke the camel’s back, I embraced it. I’ve got two extra hours in London today so I’ll go and check out an exhibition at a gallery.
This is an example of what researchers call “upward spirals.” Positive emotions, even brief ones, broaden our perspective and open us up to new possibilities. They don’t magically erase our challenges, but they make us more resourceful and resilient in how we approach them. Instead of feeling stuck in survival mode, we start to thrive.
The beauty of upward spirals is that one small shift can ripple outward, creating a chain reaction. For me, my weekend away helped me reconnect with joy, creativity, and purpose. It didn’t solve all my problems, but it gave me the energy and perspective to face them in a better frame of mind.
So if you find yourself stuck in a downward spiral, remember: even the smallest positive action can set you on a better path. Step outside your usual routine, connect with someone you trust, or try something that shifts your perspective. It might feel hard in the moment, but it’s the first step towards something better. Sometimes, all we need is a little momentum to turn things around. If you’re a school leaders and you’d like coaching with HeadsUp4HTs to help you out of a downward spiral, please reach out.
Emotional Resilience: Strengthening Your Ability to Bounce Back
Emotional Resilience: Strengthening Your Ability to Bounce Back
What is Emotional Resilience?
Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt and recover from stress, setbacks, or challenges. For school leaders, emotional resilience means maintaining a balanced outlook and finding constructive responses to adversity. This skill is essential for managing the daily demands of headship and for leading a school environment that supports well-being and success.
Why is it Important?
Building emotional resilience helps you to:
1. Handle stress and difficult emotions effectively.
2. Model a calm, collected demeanour for staff and students.
3. Avoid burnout and stay energised in the face of challenging situations.
How to Develop Emotional Resilience
1. Eat the Frog: Tackle the most difficult task first each day. Completing challenging work early builds resilience by training you to face obstacles head-on.
2. Mindfulness Practice: Spend 10 minutes daily focusing on breathing or a mindfulness exercise to manage stress and stay present.
3. Cognitive Reframing: Practise recognising negative thoughts and reframing them to see challenges as opportunities for growth.
Key Strategies for Building Resilience
- Stress Management Techniques: Use stress management tools such as progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery to stay grounded.
- Establish Daily Routines: Consistent routines, especially around morning and evening, provide stability and resilience.
- Seek Support: Build a network of trusted colleagues for emotional support, or consult a coach to provide guidance and perspective.
Key Questions to Reflect On
- How do I currently respond to stress, and what could I do differently?
- What daily practices can I establish to strengthen my resilience?
- How can I model resilience for my team, particularly in challenging times?
Relevant Research
- Resilience training research by the British Psychological Society indicates that resilience-building practices can reduce burnout and improve job satisfaction among school leaders.
- Positive Psychology studies show that mindfulness and stress management practices significantly improve emotional regulation and resilience.
Positive Intelligence and Identifying Your Saboteurs
Positive Intelligence and Identifying Your Saboteurs
What is Positive Intelligence?
Positive Intelligence is the concept of building mental fitness to increase one’s capacity for positivity, resilience, and effective decision-making. It involves identifying and quieting your “saboteurs” – those negative inner voices or thought patterns that undermine your confidence, decision-making, and well-being. For headteachers, learning to identify and manage these saboteurs can lead to more effective, compassionate, and resilient leadership.
Why is it Important?
Understanding and managing your saboteurs is crucial because:
1. It allows you to approach challenges with a positive, solution-oriented mindset.
2. It reduces the impact of self-doubt, fear, and stress on your leadership effectiveness.
3. It fosters a growth mindset, enabling you to model resilience and optimism for your staff and students.
How to Identify and Manage Your Saboteurs
1. Saboteur Quiz: Take a Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment to identify your inner saboteurs, such as the “Controller” or “Judge.”
2. Mindful Recognition: When you notice self-critical thoughts, pause and identify which saboteur is speaking. Simply recognising this voice can reduce its power over you.
3. Shift to “Sage” Mode: Use simple grounding techniques like deep breathing or visualisation to activate your positive, solution-focused “Sage” brain.
Key Strategies for Building Positive Intelligence
- Mental Reps: Practise “PQ reps” (Positive Intelligence Quotient reps), short mental exercises that shift your focus to the present moment, helping you remain calm under stress.
- Reframe Challenges: Use saboteurs as a signal to reframe the situation, focusing on what can be learned or gained rather than what is lost.
- Daily Reflections: Journal about when your saboteurs show up during the day and reflect on ways you can respond more positively next time.
- Book in a coaching package and ask your coach to focus on identifying your saboteurs
Key Questions to Reflect On
- Which saboteurs are most prevalent in my thoughts, and how do they affect my leadership?
- How can I strengthen my Sage brain to cultivate a more positive outlook?
- What impact could reducing saboteurs have on my team and school environment?
Relevant Research
- Research by Shirzad Chamine, the founder of Positive Intelligence, shows that increasing mental fitness through PQ reps significantly reduces stress and improves performance.
- Studies on cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) support the effectiveness of identifying and reframing negative thoughts to boost mental resilience.
Emotional Agility: Navigating the Ups and Downs
Emotional Agility: Navigating the Ups and Downs
What is Emotional Agility?
Emotional agility refers to the capacity to handle thoughts and feelings with flexibility, enabling adaptation to changing circumstances. For headteachers, emotional agility involves managing the emotional demands of leadership while remaining grounded and effective.
Why is it Important?
Emotionally agile leaders:
1. Cope with stress and setbacks more resiliently.
2. Make well-rounded decisions without being unduly influenced by transient emotions.
3. Promote a positive school environment by demonstrating emotional balance.
How to Cultivate Emotional Agility
1. Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness activities to stay present and observe your emotions without acting impulsively. Regular mindfulness practices, like meditation or breathing exercises, can enhance focus and calmness.
2. Name and Validate Emotions: Labelling emotions (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed”) can reduce their intensity and help you understand their roots. Accept and validate your emotions rather than suppressing them, which can build long-term resilience.
3. Practise Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself in challenging moments rather than resorting to self-criticism. This approach not only helps you recover faster but also promotes a compassionate, positive atmosphere for your team.
4. Book a coaching package and ask your coach to focus on emotional agility
Key Questions to Reflect On
- How often do I pause to acknowledge my emotions before reacting?
- Do I allow myself time to process setbacks before moving forward?
- How can I demonstrate emotional agility to benefit my staff and students?
Relevant Research
- Dr Susan David’s Emotional Agility framework shows that flexible thinking improves resilience and adaptability.
- Research from **Harvard Business School supports that emotional agility strengthens leadership effectiveness and well-being.
Collective Care: Building Support Networks
Collective Care: Building Support Networks
What is Collective Care?
Collective care is about creating a supportive community where leaders, colleagues, and peers offer mutual encouragement. For headteachers, this could mean connecting with other school leaders who understand the unique challenges of headship. Collective care fosters resilience, reduces isolation, and distributes the emotional weight of leadership.
Why is it Important?
Collective care is essential because:
1. It reduces feelings of isolation by connecting leaders with shared experiences.
2. It provides a network for practical support, sharing insights and advice during tough times.
3. It encourages openness, enabling leaders to share vulnerabilities and learn from each other.
How to Build and Engage in Collective Care
1. Regular Peer Groups: Join or organise a support group of headteachers to meet regularly for discussions, shared learning, and emotional support. Consider structuring the sessions to include a “wins and challenges” segment to focus on both achievements and struggles. Join us on Wednesday evening for our HeadsUp4HTs Virtual Drinks Night
2. Mentorship and Coaching: Seek out a mentor or coach, or act as one for others. Engaging in these relationships can deepen understanding and provide guidance through shared wisdom and experiences.
3. Collaborative Problem Solving: Host sessions with trusted peers to openly discuss challenges and brainstorm solutions. This can alleviate stress by creating a space for collaborative support and practical advice.
Key Questions to Reflect On
- Who is part of my support network, and how often do I connect with them?
- How comfortable am I with sharing my challenges and seeking support?
- How can I contribute to others’ resilience while also benefiting from collective care?
Relevant Research
- Brene Brown’s research on vulnerability highlights how sharing openly can build trust and resilience.
- Studies on social support networks in leadership show that collective care reduces burnout and improves job satisfaction.
Leadership Resilience: Maintaining Your Well-being
Leadership Resilience: Maintaining Your Well-being
What is Leadership Resilience?
Leadership resilience is the capacity to adapt, recover, and grow in the face of adversity. For school leaders, this includes managing mental, emotional, and physical well-being to handle the unique pressures of headship. Building resilience is about thriving, not just surviving, through the demands of leadership.
Why is it Important?
Resilient leaders can:
1. Cope with high-pressure situations while avoiding burnout.
2. Respond to stressors in healthy ways, benefiting both themselves and their teams.
3. Lead with stability, inspiring confidence and creating a positive atmosphere for staff and students.
How to Build Leadership Resilience
1. Establish Clear Boundaries: Define boundaries between work and personal time. Use strategies like “Eat the Frog” by tackling high-stress tasks first to reduce mental load throughout the day. Limit checking emails or messages outside working hours to protect your personal time.
2. Prioritise Self-Care Routines: Regularly engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Treat self-care as essential, not optional.
3. Cognitive Reframing: When faced with setbacks, practise reframing negative thoughts. Identify self-limiting beliefs that might intensify stress and consciously replace them with constructive, realistic perspectives.
Key Strategies for Resilience
- Practise mindfulness to manage stress and cultivate emotional resilience.
- Establish a network of trusted colleagues and mentors for mutual support during difficult times.
- Stay grounded by focusing on your Ikigai—balancing what you love, what you excel at, and what brings meaning to your role.
Key Questions to Reflect On
- What specific stressors do I face, and how effective are my current strategies in managing them?
- How can I build my emotional resilience to better handle leadership challenges?
- How do I prioritise personal well-being alongside my professional duties?
Relevant Research
- The British Psychological Society underscores the value of resilience training in reducing burnout among school leaders.
- Dr Ginsburg’s Seven C’s of Resilience (including competence and connection) offers a framework for building sustainable resilience.
Self Reflection: Knowing yourself as a leader
Self-Reflection: Knowing Yourself as a Leader
What is Self-Reflection?
Self-reflection is a mindful process where you examine your own thoughts, behaviours, and emotions to gain self-awareness. For headteachers, this means understanding how personal values, beliefs, and motivations influence your leadership. Regular self-reflection can reveal self-limiting beliefs and provide insights into how you impact others in your school community.
Why is it Important?
Self-reflection is vital for headteachers because:
1. It enables alignment between your actions and core values.
2. It helps in recognising and overcoming self-limiting beliefs that may restrict personal growth.
3. It enhances emotional resilience by building awareness of personal triggers and stressors.
How to Practise Self-Reflection
1. Journaling with Purpose: Maintain a journal for daily or weekly reflections, focusing on specific challenges, decisions, and emotional responses. Consider what underlying beliefs influenced your reactions and look for recurring themes.
2. SWOT Analysis for Self: Regularly assess your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats to better understand your capabilities and areas for growth. This exercise can help you recognise patterns in your leadership style and find ways to enhance it.
3. Mindful Reflection at Day’s End: Set aside time each day to reflect on moments where your actions aligned (or misaligned) with your core values and purpose. Consider using the “Eat the Frog” technique by addressing your most challenging or value-driven tasks first each day, so you feel more centred and purposeful.
Key Questions to Reflect On
- How frequently do I address my self-limiting beliefs?
- To what extent are my actions aligned with my core values and sense of purpose (Ikigai)?
- How do I currently handle stressors, and what strategies can help me strengthen my resilience?
Relevant Research
- Schön’s Reflection-in-Action theory explores how leaders can learn from their decisions in real time, enhancing immediate self-awareness.
- The Johari Window model provides insights into self-awareness, helping leaders understand how they’re perceived by others and encouraging open feedback.
Ikigai Post Headship
As a former headteacher, you’ve carried immense responsibility—for your school, your staff, and your students. Now, as you step into a new chapter, there’s an opportunity to pause, reflect, and reconnect with what truly brings you fulfilment—your Ikigai, or “reason for being.”
At HeadsUp4HTs, we support leaders like you who are ready to rediscover their purpose beyond headship. Finding your Ikigai is a powerful way to ground this new phase of life in meaning and passion while prioritising your own well-being.
What Is Ikigai?
Ikigai (pronounced ee-key-guy) is a Japanese concept that represents the intersection of four core elements:
1. What you love
2. What you’re good at
3. What the world needs
4. What you can be valued or recognised for
When these elements align, you find a renewed sense of purpose and fulfilment—a reason to embrace each day with intention. For former headteachers, this offers a framework for exploring new ways to contribute, connect, and grow.
Why Ikigai Matters Beyond Headship
Leaving headship can bring mixed emotions—pride, relief, and sometimes a feeling of loss. The routines and relationships that defined your career may feel distant, and finding a new purpose isn’t always straightforward. Exploring your Ikigai can help you:
- Reconnect with core values that continue to energise and inspire you.
- Gain clarity on what truly matters to you, focusing your energy on pursuits that align with your deepest motivations.
- Build resilience by grounding your next steps in a clear sense of purpose, supporting your emotional well-being as you navigate this transition.
Finding Your Ikigai Post-Headship
Here are some steps to start reconnecting with your Ikigai:
1. Reflect on What You Love
Think about the parts of headship you loved most. Was it mentoring others, fostering a positive culture, or shaping educational impact? Let these insights guide you towards new ways to make a difference.
2. Acknowledge Your Strengths
Consider the unique strengths you honed as a headteacher. What are you exceptionally good at? Whether it’s strategic thinking, inspiring others, or collaborating, these strengths remain valuable assets in your next chapter.
3. Recognise What the Community Needs
Many former headteachers find that their skills align with broader community needs. Where can you apply your experience to make a meaningful impact? How can your passions and strengths serve a cause that resonates with you?
4. Align with Your Purpose
Take time to rediscover your core values and long-term goals. How do you wish to contribute in this new chapter, and what steps will help you stay connected to this purpose?
Ikigai and Well-being: A Balanced Approach
Connecting with your Ikigai supports your well-being by anchoring you in a sense of purpose. When your activities align with what fulfils you, you’re more likely to maintain balance, reduce stress, and find joy in your pursuits.
At HeadsUp4HTs, we encourage former headteachers to explore their Ikigai to navigate this new stage with confidence. By staying grounded in your values, you’ll be better equipped to make fulfilling decisions, manage challenges, and embrace the next chapter with optimism.
Key Questions to Reflect On
- What brings me energy and fulfilment?
- How can I apply my strengths in new and meaningful ways?
- What steps can I take to align with my purpose in this chapter?
- How might connecting with my Ikigai enhance my well-being and resilience?
Final Thoughts
Transitioning from headship can be both challenging and deeply rewarding when it’s grounded in purpose. By discovering your Ikigai, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling journey that honours your skills and aspirations.
At HeadsUp4HTs, we’re here to support you in reconnecting with your purpose. Through coaching and a supportive network, we empower former headteachers to step confidently into their next chapter, bringing a renewed sense of fulfilment and resilience. Reach out for support if this resonates.
Ikigai: Reconnecting with your purpose
As a leader in education, you carry an immense responsibility, not only for your school but also for the well-being of staff and students. It's a role that demands constant energy, focus, and emotional resilience. But in the midst of all this, how often do you pause and reflect on your own purpose—your own Ikigai?
At HeadsUp4HTs, we often support leaders who feel overwhelmed or disconnected from the sense of purpose that initially inspired them to pursue headship. Finding your Ikigai can be the key to not only reigniting your passion but also safeguarding your well-being as you navigate the pressures of leadership.
What Is Ikigai?
Ikigai (pronounced ee-key-guy) is a Japanese concept that translates to "reason for being." It refers to the intersection of four core elements:
1. What you love
2. What you are good at
3. What the world needs
4. What you can be paid for
When all of these align, you find your Ikigai—your reason for waking up each morning with a sense of purpose and fulfilment. For headteachers, this concept offers a powerful framework for reconnecting with the deeper motivations behind your leadership and sustaining your passion for education.
Why is Ikigai Important for Headteachers?
Headteachers often face immense pressures: endless meetings, accountability measures, difficult decisions, and the emotional toll of supporting staff and students. It's easy to lose sight of the passion and vision that led you into education in the first place. This is where Ikigai comes in.
By exploring your Ikigai, you can:
- Reconnect with your core values and the aspects of leadership that truly energise you.
- Gain clarity on what truly matters, allowing you to focus your energy on tasks and initiatives that align with your sense of purpose.
- Build emotional resilience, as having a clear sense of purpose can help you manage stress, prevent burnout, and make decisions that support your own well-being as well as that of your school.
Finding Your Ikigai in Leadership
Here are some ways you can begin to explore your Ikigai as a leader:
1. Reflect on What You Love
Take time to think about what parts of your role bring you the most joy. Is it mentoring staff, creating a positive school culture, or shaping the educational experience for pupils? Make sure these aspects of your work remain at the heart of your leadership approach.
2. Acknowledge What You’re Good At
As a headteacher, you’ve honed many skills, but what are your true strengths? Identify the areas where you excel and consider how you can leverage these strengths to lead more effectively, whether it's strategic planning, inspiring others, or fostering collaboration.
3. Recognise What Your School Community Needs
Your leadership is deeply embedded in the needs of your school community. What are the specific challenges and opportunities your school faces? How can your unique skills and passions contribute to addressing these needs?
4. Align Your Role with Your Purpose
Sometimes, we get caught up in the day-to-day grind and lose sight of why we entered the profession in the first place. Reflect on your personal values and long-term goals. Ask yourself: How can I make decisions and create systems that align with my purpose while supporting the well-being of my staff and students?
Ikigai and Well-being: A Mutual Relationship
Understanding your Ikigai doesn’t just help you lead better—it also supports your personal well-being. When your work aligns with your sense of purpose, you're less likely to feel drained or overwhelmed. You'll find it easier to maintain boundaries, avoid burnout, and focus on the positive aspects of your role.
At HeadsUp4HTs, we encourage leaders to regularly reflect on their Ikigai as a way to stay grounded, even during challenging times. The more in touch you are with your own values and passions, the better equipped you’ll be to manage stress, make decisions with clarity, and foster a healthier school environment.
Key Questions to Reflect On
- What aspects of my role energise and fulfil me?
- How can I better align my strengths with the needs of my school?
- What steps can I take to bring more of my purpose into my daily leadership?
- How can connecting with my Ikigai improve my resilience and overall well-being?
Final Thoughts
Leadership in education is demanding, but it can also be deeply rewarding when it’s aligned with your purpose. By tapping into your Ikigai, you can create a more balanced, fulfilling leadership journey that not only supports your own well-being but also strengthens your school community.
At HeadsUp4HTs, we’re here to help you explore and deepen your connection to your Ikigai. Whether through coaching or collective support, we empower headteachers to lead with purpose and passion, ensuring you have the resilience to thrive in your role.
OFSTED Experiences: Part of her story is mine too
The tragic death of a much beloved headteacher, Ruth Perry, brought it all back. I did not expect to be so triggered by the news of her experience and had thought that I was doing fine after the devastation of my own school’s Ofsted inspection. Little did I know that the trauma buried deep inside came hurtling back, leaving me feeling broken, upset, angry and hugely resentful. As human leaders, we bury our deep emotions as we place the well-being of others over ourselves. However, I cannot be silent through the tears that keep on coming – the dam has been broken, there is no going back. This is my story of how the inspection affected me, and still does today.
My school was inspected the day after October half-term 2021. I remember when half term arrived, I thanked an exhausted and emotional staff force in the staff room for their hard work and commitment to children and colleagues as this was the most difficult term yet, post-lockdown. The magnitude of what we had to do, what we were doing, the high absence rates amongst pupils and staff had placed considerable pressure on a one form entry primary school. And yet, through the seven weeks ofthe first half term of the new academic year, we somehow managed to survive, teach well, and carry on with curriculum development which was halted over the period of lockdown and disruptions. My mantra had always been, we do what is best for the children, never for Ofsted! During this period of pressure and turmoil, I supported several teachers and staff facing huge personal issues and upheavals in their lives, These circumstances are important to note as it gives context to a school trying its best to serve our community.
When I received the call, I remember telling the staff, ‘We’ve got this. Ofsted will see the hard work we have done, and the efforts we have placed to put our children first and foremost in what we do’. There was considerable anxiety and I remember telling staff to go home, there is nothing more to be done. Just teach as you teach every day.
I was naïve. I recall now that trusted members of my leadership team were suspicious of the HMI and the additional inspector as the way they were questioned, led them to believe that we have already been judged – the inspectors were looking for evidence to back the case for the ultimate label.
It is only when I read Caversham Primary’s Ofsted report that I knew our school had been judged through a similar lens. Safeguarding was judged ineffective, and I am unable to say more on this to protect the children I still serve. I will say that the ‘lack of’ evidence is contentious, as these ‘issues’ were rectified immediately. As I repeatedly said to the inspectors, nothing we do as a school was to deliberately make any child unsafe. In fact, it has always been the opposite, and Ofsted confirmed this in its own report – “This means that pupils are potentially at risk ormay not get the help and support they need.” In feedback sessions with me, and members of the governing board, the inspectors confirmed that all children were safe. They confirmed that we had taken the right steps in safeguarding children, it is the paperwork that was not obvious, and the inexperience of some governors in helping to create an effective culture of safeguarding. I wish at this point to ask readers to remember the context and remember the timing of this inspection.
Our school was judged inadequate in early November of 2021 because safeguarding was judged ineffective; the report was not published until February of 2022. There was nothing I could say or do to change this. If you read our initial inspection report, there were many, many things we were doing well as we were judged Good in Behaviour and Attitude, and also Personal Development. These matter, but also did not matter. The great Ofsted conundrum! Prioritising pupil, staff and family mental health did not seem to matter. High absence rates due to Covid or the effect of Covid did not seem to matter. Covid was not taken into consideration at all even though it was less than a year after lockdown was lifted. I could tell you about how our 3 weakest readers were so anxious reading in front of the inspector and could not ‘perform’ so guess what that did to how Reading was judged?
Do not get me wrong. If you used the Ofsted framework, in that inspection, our school was not Outstanding, maybe not even Good. However, we are not, and we never were, inadequate.
I remember breaking down in front of both female inspectors. I remember how devastated and emotional I was. I challenged them to help me understand how I can carry on with leadership, and yes, I do take it personally, being judged inadequate. I asked them to understand how a humane organisation could treat people and communities this way. I asked them to reflect how they would feel, and act, as both inspectors were former headteachers, and had ‘sat’ in my chair. I asked them to help me understand how, when my heart and soul had been given to this role, when I sleep, breathe, and live this job at the expense of my family, and well-being, I could carry on. I remember that although I thought they heard, they did not listen. Both said that ‘I now had the mandate to turn the school around’. It is only now that I can see that I do not require their mandate at all – I have always served my school community, I have always had the best interest of staff and pupils at heart, I have always pursued academic excellence but not at the expense of well-being. Our school priorities are timely and well planned, ensuring that staff are supported to teach, and lead subjects well.
I had to be silent on our outcome for seven weeks, through Christmas and New Year. I had to reassure a staff team who knew something was up, and yet I could not speak of what had happened. I had to reassure parents that all was ok, and that the report would be communicated to them when published. I had to speak to potential parents who wanted to know if we had been inspected recently.
When I read Ruth’s story, it brought it all crashing back. The sleepless nights, the crying endlessly at home with my husband picking me up each time I said I cannot do this anymore. My children trying their best to support an unhappy mother who looked lost. The feeling of being a failure and, of failing. The over thinking of the impact of this outcome – what would our parents say and do? How are we ever going to come out of this as a small school dependent on pupil numbers to survive?
I remember Bonfire Night 2021, a school event attended by hundreds of parents, children, and members of the community where I had to make a speech, knowing the judgement, but unable to say anything. I remember feeling devastated and proud at the same time as I peered at a lit-up playground at what we had truly achieved during, and after the pandemic. Our school kept a community safe, cared for, and alive. Our ethos of inclusion, courage, service, and collaboration saw us through a time like no other. I have been told that my words that night were inspirational and hopeful. This is the one thing I do not remember. I just remember feeling totally exhausted, drained and broken and thinking, there is no way back. I felt alone.
Of course, writing this today means that I did ok. I am still here, just! Six working months later, Ofsted came back and turned a monitoring inspection into a full inspection. Oh, we are now an RI school don’t you know? I suppose I should be grateful, and yet I am actually resentful. Nothing much has changed since the last, devastating grading. I had to work harder to ensure the staff were supported mentally, emotionally, and physically. I had to work harder at pre-empting difficult conversations with parents and consider carefully how we can increase pupil numbers after the inspection. I had to work harder when some parents use the judgement to unfairly (in my opinion) criticise the school for any perceived errors or complain about things.
What has changed is how cynical I have become. My heart has been broken, and I am unsure how to mend it. I have had thoughts of leaving headship, in fact, leaving the sector as I observe injustice in the way education serves all our children, and our staff who work tirelessly every single day. There is too much politics, division, and unhealthy competition, with inspections being part of the battleground. I have battled and argued and reached out to people in rather high places to be listened to. Some listened, some helped in ways they will never know, and to these people, who are still here for me today, my deep gratitude for their ongoing support. I do not have to imagine Ruth’s experience of Ofsted as I believe it was also mine. However, I can only imagine what the impact of the inspection did to her, on top of all the other pressures that life, the job, and work can bring.
Part of her story is mine too. This cannot be the legacy we leave behind. The way schools are inspected and ‘labelled’ must change immediately. If Ofsted is about improving schools, then truly help leaders improve their schools by highlighting to the school, the results of their audit, and allowing schools to rapidly improve. Do not leave broken leaders behind when you leave on the second day, without turning back. Do not deny us a voice to raise our concerns appropriately. Be the humane organisation that education requires, so that schools, leaders, and communities can continually improve together, rather than leaving a trail of devastation without ever looking back. There must never be another tragedy like the life and death of RuthPerry, and countless others. Be the tool for successful school leadership, and not the sword that maims, injure, or worse, destroys.