#HeadsUpBookClub: Permission to Feel
Permission to Feel: unlocking the power of emotions to help our kids, ourselves, and our society Thrive. Marc Brackett, Ph. D Celadon
In our inaugural Book Club session, we were privileged to discuss this book with the author who kindly joined us from Yale University. Marc asked us, 'How many of you would share that you are reading a book with this title?'
Our discussion around the contextual connotation was just one of many fascination aspects of the evening. What sat quietly in the corners of our minds were a range of questions around vulnerability, trauma and our own judgement systems related to emotions, our social upbringing and inhibitions that tell us when it's appropriate to share our emotions.
As leaders and educators, the more pressing matters of how to use this were bubbling in our minds, and how our current climates would benefit from this learning.
Marc’s book explores the social expectations and conventions around the simple question, 'How do you feel?'
How often is our response to this a mask?
How often do we ask it without considering what we really want to know?
Do we really hear the answer?
One simple question introduces us to the roots of Marc's book and life work, rooted in the theories of emotional intelligence and backed up by extensive research.
Last week's inaugural Heads Up Book 'club began with this book because this question is integral to all we prioritise as an organisation. Recognising our own emotions is also the first in Marc's RULER approach, which is at-the foundation of the work he undertakes at CASEL (Collaboration for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning), Yale. He explains how the integration of Social and Emotional learning is essential , and shared the basis of his research to press home the interdependence of emotional and academic intelligence.
Central to this is the RULER curriculum he developed with his Uncle Marvin, a long timesuccessful educator. Their framework underpins a systemic approach that is widely used around the world by schools and organisations:
Recognise the occurrence of an emotion-noticing changes
Understanding the causes of emotions and how they influence thoughts
Labelling emotions: connecting experience and precise description, increasing self-awareness and communication.
Expressing: know how and when to express
Regulating: monitor, temper and modify emotional reactions. Accept and deal, not ignore.
raises questions around who we trust, who our children trust enough, and are there people we can speak to...
'Who gives us Permission to feel?'
What's pressingly evident is Marc's key message that we all need to develop an awareness of the science of emotions, rather than bringing our judgements to bear on them. This takes us into exploring the aspects of behaviours, and the complexities of responses to behaviour.Marc used his own experiences to highlight key concepts surrounding culture, environment and the impact of emotions on our ability to interact.
We kept coming back to this idea, and how now more than ever, we recognise this to be true.
To some observers, emotional intelligence or emotion skills signify something fuzzy and touchy-feely, like a retreat from reality, This is especially so in the business world. In fact, just the opposite is true. These are mental skills, like any others- they enable us to think smarter, more creatively, and get better results from ourselves and the people around us. (Permission to Feel, p.54)
I was fascinated by the research around educator judgements and mood. Not an easy listen, but crucial to understand that the way feel affects our judgements.
So what do we do?
Developing the emotion skills necessary to survive and thrive is rooted in so much of our work as educators and Marc’s framework offers a clear curriculum approach .
He offers this advice to schools:
What strikes me if we are considering approaches to wellbeing in isolation for children, staffor families, surely a more cohesive and coherent whole school and community approach would be more effective?
As Marc states,
‘When we unlock the wisdom of emotions, we can raise healthy kids who will both achieve their dreams and make the world a better place.’ ( Permission to Feel, p.218)
Such a mesmerising and thought provoking session and sincere thanks go to Marc for giving us his time and such a great read.
We rounded off the session with a couple of images from Oliver Jeffers’ book, A Child of Books, Walker Books. This offered a chance to consider ways in, ways we could share and stimulate some discussion around emotions with our staff and children and make some pledges to give ourselves, and our community Permission to Feel.
