Do I tick the box?

Do I tick the box?

I am a gay headteacher. This has been and continues to be a professional barrier for me. In the past I have been told that I should not be a headteacher as parents would not want me lead their child’s school, that parents would take their children out of the school ‘in droves’ if they knew. That staff would not respect me and they would leave. Very recently I was told not to apply for headship at a Church of England school as they would not want 'A gay person talking about Jesus.' I realise that these are the views of individuals and not representative of the education sector or indeed the Church of England but it does raise a few questions.

If somebody is willing to say these things out loud and to my face what are they actually thinking on the inside – is it much worse? Also if a few people can say it out loud, how many others think it but don’t say it? The term ‘covert homophobe’ can be interpreted in a few ways but for the purpose of this think piece I am going to use it to describe people who are outwardly positive about members of the LGBTQI+ community but on the inside this is not the case. I cannot count the number of times I hear ‘I love gay people, lots of my friends are gay’ to be followed by a homophobic joke when they think I can’t hear.

Another burning question I have is what to do when I am filling in application forms. Do I tick the lesbian box, leave it blank or lie and tick heterosexual? The easy answer is of course to tick the lesbian box - but does that put me at an immediate disadvantage? Well it does if the person shortlisting is a covert homophobe. I have been advised to always tick it and then if they don’t shortlist you for that reason then it is not the right school for me. Why? There might be only one covert homophobe in a staff of 100 or it could be that I can change their mind? More importantly why should I not be given the job? If I am qualified who are they to stop me! The other side to this coin is if I do get shortlisted, is it because I ticked the box? Are they interviewing me, with no thoughts of ever giving me the job, just because it will look good on their diversity statistics?

I do still hear the phrases

‘Surely that doesn’t happen these days?’,

‘Things are different now.’

In some ways society has progressed, it is less prevalent but by no means gone. In my private life things are the same. I am always conscious of where I am and who is around me. I often feel unable to ‘relax’ in public spaces and show any affection towards my partner.

Covert homophobia happens all the time, I am sure this is the same for covert racism. I have been seated out of turn at restaurants, I have been threatened when I held my partners hand. Then there are the more serious examples including a man shouting ‘I just need the right man to show me how it is done – then I wouldn’t be a lesbian. I am not sure if he meant it to be a harrowing threat, but that is how it felt. The world is a smaller place for me, there are several countries, I cannot visit or teach in. There are still countries where being gay is punishable by death. Ticking the box is not an easy decision, previous homophobic incidents scar in the same way as any other discrimination. It cannot be easily erased. So I ask you to think about the following:    

When you get an application from somebody who has ticked the box, understand how much this person may have agonised over this.
Try to think about new members of staff who are gay and go out of your way to support them as much as you can, covert homophobia is still around and may well be present in your staffroom when you are not there.
Don’t be too keen to join the ‘it doesn’t happen in this day and age’ band wagon, as it does.
You should consider if not being homophobic is enough. Being anti-homophobic and acting as an ally and an advocate at all times is the only way to counteract the covert homophobia that is still there under the surface.