Physical and Mental Wellbeing: I haven’t got time for lunch
I haven't eaten today. I've got no time for lunch.
We are nearing the end of a challenging and taxing half term and we all know the score by now. The dark mornings and afternoons and the feeling that time, instead of being on our side, is actually our enemy. There's just never enough of it. For senior leaders, this pinch point is all too clear, the mental exhaustion comes from balancing everything from the strategic to the seemingly trivial, managing budgets of millions of pounds one minute and then managing the Year 8 lunch queue the next. The toll on our brains and bodies becomes evident at this stage in the year, but it’s this time where our colleagues really look to us to see something completely different.
The only answer for senior leaders seems to be to work harder, for longer. We sacrifice precious moments and time with friends and family, sacrifice break and lunchtimes in a desperate attempt to catch up and to squeeze everything in. Unused gym memberships, broken social engagements with friends and fatigue beyond words becomes the norm. You forget your body’s need to fuel and refuel during the day, because even eating or drinking a glass of water gets added to the bottom of your growing to-do list.
This would be the case if this was an ordinary year, but it isn’t- for so many reasons this year is extraordinary. But even so, there are bigger issues that need to be addressed here in order to ensure that senior workload is manageable and that we are able to serve the teachers and colleagues in our schools to the best of our ability.
Being in leadership is a public affair, you’re on show, performing, walking the walk during every waking working moment. In our cars being the last on the staff carpark, in working through lunchtimes and breaktimes we are sending a message, loud and clear to future generations of senior leaders that in order to retain your position and be proficient in your role, work has to be prioritised ahead of your own health and wellbeing.
We need to shift that narrative, to stop promoting martyrdom as a glamorous pursuit. To stop telling colleagues what time we shut the laptop the night before.
This is easier said than done, particularly if it’s all that our colleagues have ever seen or all that's been promoted by their leaders. As an NQT, I remember feeling the weight of expectation when I and 12 other colleagues were asked to prepare a presentation, summarising our learning for the year. We spent weeks preparing, trying to source the time around planning our lessons and learning how to be teachers. In the end, we decided it would be best to just stay in school until it was done. We camped out in a computer room until around 9:30pm, ordered pizza and planned for our lives. After we had done our presentation to the whole staff the day after, we were praised for our dedication and the additional hours we had spent putting the work together- we were congratulated on the sacrifices we had made.
I don't remember exactly what was in that presentation but I do remember that that experience created an unhealthy work ethic that I still battle against, 12 years later.
I'm more and more aware now of the language I use around my impressionable colleagues, and I'm trying more consciously to ensure they don't perceive me as somebody who can fit a week's worth of work into a day.
The key here is in developing those around us more successfully and modelling the sort of leadership behaviours we would want to see in them. A greater focus on distributing leadership capacity into middle leader posts is crucial in building sustainable change and in ensuring the healthy working habits of future leaders. Developing opportunities to have honest and candid conversations about the challenges of managing your time at senior level is so important.
In 12 years time, I hope that the next Assistant Head says they learnt from somebody who made time for their lunch, drank plenty of water and picked up their child rather than their laptop in the evenings. That's when we will know we've been successful.
Physical Health and Wellbeing: Women’s Health
Why do senior leaders need to make improvements for women’s health in the workplace?
Not least because pregnancy and menopause are a normal part of women’s lives. As such it can be an equality and safety issue, women could very well need flexibility, reasonable adjustments to work patterns and the workplace environment and support but overall better knowledge and understanding by their line managers and colleagues.
Women’s health can incorporate pregnancy, early motherhood, menopause, fertility treatment, miscarriage, still birth and gynaecological issues. All of these have the possibility of causing physical, emotional and mental health issues for women. Conditions in the workplace can have a detrimental effect and make symptoms worse.
Menopause it is still a taboo topic, one that is rarely spoken about, particularly in the workplace, unless through jokes and banter. The lack of awareness by employers of the impact symptoms may have to our capacity to complete activities at work and which affect our well-being. We need to start speaking up; challenge negative menopausal stereotypes and encourage our friends and colleagues to do the same.
There is a significant lack of understanding and knowledge we all hold around the menopause and its symptoms. The period of time leading up to the menopause is actually called the peri-menopause, being the period of transition leading up to the menopause where women experience a huge variety of symptoms, but few people are aware of the term. Most of us will have heard about hot flushes, heavier periods, frequency changes to periods and starting to get hair where we don’t want it, but how many more symptoms do you know about even if you are currently in the transitional stage of peri-menopause? They can include: difficulty sleeping; low mood or anxiety; skin irritability; palpitations; panic attacks; joint stiffness and problems with memory and concentration.
Did you know this period of hormonal change can last for 4 to 8 years and for some up to 12 years?
All women will all experience some symptoms and for some they can be severe and have a significant impact on the quality of our personal and working life. It is said 1 in 4 women will experience severe symptoms! These symptoms affect working life and we try to manage tiredness, memory changes and poor concentration plus the stress and embarrassment, which may be detrimental to confidence levels.
New and expectant mothers are covered by specific requirements under the Management of Health and Safety at Work Regulations 1999. The term ‘new or expectant mothers’ includes pregnant women, mothers who are breastfeeding, mothers who have given birth in the last six months and women who have miscarried after 24 weeks of pregnancy.
However, it is harder to pin down the legislation for women undergoing fertility treatment, miscarriage before 24 weeks, menstrual difficulties and the menopause. The Health and Safety at Work Act 1974 requires employers to ensure the health, safety and welfare of all workers. Under the Management of Health and Safety at Work Regulations, employers are required to undertake general risk assessments which should include specific risks to pregnant and menopausal women.
The Equality Act prohibits discrimination against people on the grounds of certain ‘protected characteristics’ including sex, age and disability. Conditions linked to the menopause may meet the definition of an ‘impairment’ under the Equality Act and require reasonable adjustments.
Every workplace needs to be committed to ensuring that women feel confident in discussing pregnancy, menopause and female health symptoms openly, without embarrassment and are able to ask for support and adjustments in order to continue to work safely in the organisation. For this reason, pregnancy, menopause and female health at work is an issue for men as well as women.
Workplaces need a positive attitude towards the menopause, pregnancy and female health treating all individuals with dignity and respect during this time and ensure that the workplace does not make symptoms worse.
Workplaces need to aim towards:
Everyone who works has a role to play in ensuring a comfortable working environment for all staff, including women experiencing the menopause or female health difficulties.
These could include simple measures such as:
Not being proactive in this area may lead to the staff member suffering from physical and mental health issues and being on sick leave, which could be long term and potentially resigning or taking early retirement when reasonable adjustments could have retained valuable, experienced staff.
We can also pledge to share important points about the topic to ensure everyone is better informed and the subject does not remain taboo.
Bretta Towned - Jowitt
#HeadsUpBookClub: Permission to Feel
Permission to Feel: unlocking the power of emotions to help our kids, ourselves, and our society Thrive. Marc Brackett, Ph. D Celadon
In our inaugural Book Club session, we were privileged to discuss this book with the author who kindly joined us from Yale University. Marc asked us, 'How many of you would share that you are reading a book with this title?'
Our discussion around the contextual connotation was just one of many fascination aspects of the evening. What sat quietly in the corners of our minds were a range of questions around vulnerability, trauma and our own judgement systems related to emotions, our social upbringing and inhibitions that tell us when it's appropriate to share our emotions.
As leaders and educators, the more pressing matters of how to use this were bubbling in our minds, and how our current climates would benefit from this learning.
Marc’s book explores the social expectations and conventions around the simple question, 'How do you feel?'
How often is our response to this a mask?
How often do we ask it without considering what we really want to know?
Do we really hear the answer?
One simple question introduces us to the roots of Marc's book and life work, rooted in the theories of emotional intelligence and backed up by extensive research.
Last week's inaugural Heads Up Book 'club began with this book because this question is integral to all we prioritise as an organisation. Recognising our own emotions is also the first in Marc's RULER approach, which is at-the foundation of the work he undertakes at CASEL (Collaboration for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning), Yale. He explains how the integration of Social and Emotional learning is essential , and shared the basis of his research to press home the interdependence of emotional and academic intelligence.
Central to this is the RULER curriculum he developed with his Uncle Marvin, a long timesuccessful educator. Their framework underpins a systemic approach that is widely used around the world by schools and organisations:
Recognise the occurrence of an emotion-noticing changes
Understanding the causes of emotions and how they influence thoughts
Labelling emotions: connecting experience and precise description, increasing self-awareness and communication.
Expressing: know how and when to express
Regulating: monitor, temper and modify emotional reactions. Accept and deal, not ignore.
raises questions around who we trust, who our children trust enough, and are there people we can speak to...
'Who gives us Permission to feel?'
What's pressingly evident is Marc's key message that we all need to develop an awareness of the science of emotions, rather than bringing our judgements to bear on them. This takes us into exploring the aspects of behaviours, and the complexities of responses to behaviour.Marc used his own experiences to highlight key concepts surrounding culture, environment and the impact of emotions on our ability to interact.
We kept coming back to this idea, and how now more than ever, we recognise this to be true.
To some observers, emotional intelligence or emotion skills signify something fuzzy and touchy-feely, like a retreat from reality, This is especially so in the business world. In fact, just the opposite is true. These are mental skills, like any others- they enable us to think smarter, more creatively, and get better results from ourselves and the people around us. (Permission to Feel, p.54)
I was fascinated by the research around educator judgements and mood. Not an easy listen, but crucial to understand that the way feel affects our judgements.
So what do we do?
Developing the emotion skills necessary to survive and thrive is rooted in so much of our work as educators and Marc’s framework offers a clear curriculum approach .
He offers this advice to schools:
What strikes me if we are considering approaches to wellbeing in isolation for children, staffor families, surely a more cohesive and coherent whole school and community approach would be more effective?
As Marc states,
‘When we unlock the wisdom of emotions, we can raise healthy kids who will both achieve their dreams and make the world a better place.’ ( Permission to Feel, p.218)
Such a mesmerising and thought provoking session and sincere thanks go to Marc for giving us his time and such a great read.
We rounded off the session with a couple of images from Oliver Jeffers’ book, A Child of Books, Walker Books. This offered a chance to consider ways in, ways we could share and stimulate some discussion around emotions with our staff and children and make some pledges to give ourselves, and our community Permission to Feel.
Case Study: The Impact of HeadsUp4HTs; Without the network, I would not be where I am today.
Back in 2019, I suffered what could only be described as a breakdown. Seventeen years of teaching, 8 of which had been at senior level, I left my job, I left the profession I loved.
As I began to heal from my experience, I considered my options and decided that I would work on a supply basis in a school out of area. The anxiety around me stepping back in to a school was intense and this took several more months before I would pluck up the courage to do this.
I was introduced to the HeadsUp4HTs network a few months into my new role supporting a leadership team. Those that know about Imposter Syndrome will understand the levels of doubt I faced and lack of self-belief. I haven’t spoken of my breakdown here, and I choose at this point not to, however, I would like to get across that without the HeadsUp4HTs network, I would not be where I am today.
I started by attended weekly coffee mornings on a Saturday; this quickly became part of my weekend ritual as I drew comfort and strength from the genuine, caring people who too, had suffered for a profession they loved. Imagine that! People suffering! Meeting James, Kate and others I cannot mention, helped me to realise that values-led leaders are ones who ‘suffer’ the most. We are the leaders that care beyond the school gates, the ones that see children and staff as human, we see beyond outcomes and strive to truly transform the lives of children for a brighter, better future.
As the network grew, the need to support as many leaders as possible was something that all members were keen to support and so Saturday morning coffee increased to Wednesday evening drinks night.
At Headsup4HTS has created a truly wonderful, unique network for headteachers and school leaders. I have been a member since March 2020 and am now proud to be part of the advisory panel. The impact? I am now back in the saddle, a senior leader, now striving for headship. I know that with this circle of people around me, and with the support of the HeadsUp4HTS network, I will be successful in the next few years. I have learned from the experiences of others, have played a supportive role for others and will continue to use this network for guidance, strength and advice. They say headship is a lonely profession. It doesn’t have to be and HeadsUp4HTs has shown that by providing the right space for our leaders, many will stay in the profession and considering the staggering rates of Headteachers leaving, we cannot afford for this to happen. Our children deserve this. Our leaders deserve this too.
Case Study: The impact of HeadsUp; ‘HeadsUp4HTs has given me confidence to lead in challenging circumstances.’
Since becoming a HT 4 years ago, the challenges have been immense, from staffing, to buildings, contractors. The operational side of running a school has also dominated my life at times and taken over, at times giving me no time to focus on why I am there, for the children. It is actually very difficult to sum up in a few words the challenges I have had-there are so many, but one of the main ones for me personally has been leading on my own without a strong SLT at times.
I am very lucky that my school has funds to pay for my coaching and supervision-but what about schools in a financial crisis who have a deficit budget? HTs need to know there are places they can go/contact without worrying about how much it will cost.
I felt I was in a serious crisis-I had no idea what to do, who to turn to when I was the only member of the SLT leading the school during the pandemic. I felt very alone and isolated and believed that I was the worst HT in the world doing a rubbish job and I had no idea how to get myself out of the hole I was in.I cried a lot, on my own, in my office and when I got home.
Headsup is amazing! I had a crisis call with James, and I have also had a call with Kate when I was at a low point. I have led a school without a DHT through the pandemic which has challenged me-Headsup has given me confidence to lead in challenging circumstances. I attend the Saturday morning meetings and now believe I have an amazing network of people who will support me if needed. I don’t feel as alone. I have a HT “buddy” who I speak to regularly and we support each other and celebrate each others achievements.
I have somewhere to go if needed. There is always someone to listen, talk, understand. It has made me realise that I am doing a great job, I do know what I am doing, I am an authentic leader, I lead with confidence and compassion and that all I do is for the benefit of the children. I also feel I have supported others in Headsup too, making me realise that I do know my stuff! I know it is OK to cry too and to say if I’m not having a good week.
Headship is lonely. Headship is hard. It drains you, consumes you and at times makes you feel like there must be something else that I can do. BUT, it is the best job in the world-however if HTs don’t get the support they need then they will go under. There will be a shortage in leaders moving forward due to the immense pressures and external accountability that HTs face on a daily basis. HTs need support and it should be available for all HTs.
The last year has made me reflect a lot-no Y6 SATS, no EYFS baseline tests, no phonic screening, no KS1 SATS, no multiplication checks- great! I have had time to think about what matters and run a school successfully through a global pandemic. I am proud of my role and would love another year of zero accountability-who wants to test a 4 year old in September?
Because of HeadsUp4HTs, I have the strength to try things a bit differently, to go with what I feel is right for my school, children and community as we move forward.
Case Study: The impact of HeadsUp4HTs; I am supported and challenged, but never judged.
I am currently the Acting Headteacher of a one form entry village school that serves 180+ pupils in Buckinghamshire, on the edge of Slough and Maidenhead. This primary school is now part of a Multi Academy Trust (2017) as it was placed in special measures in 2016. I joined the school in 2018 as part of the senior leadership team. It is awaiting its first Ofsted inspection as a new entity. The school has had changes in leadership in the last four years which has affected the stability this primary school requires.
I started my current leadership position in September, at the start of a new academic year already affected by the pandemic and lockdown. Although the Trustees offered some support, it was a difficult landscape to meander, let alone lead. Every single member of the school community had been impacted by Covid, and it was my role to ascertain what was required to support every pupil, family, and staff. The amount of and the lack of guidance from the DfE were both challenging as I had to make decisions, not just based on limited guidance, but in the best interest of the community I served.
The lack of support from the DfE for Headteachers such as myself during the pandemic has been astonishing. The opposite seemed to be true – Schools and Headteachers were threatened with the Ofsted card if parents felt their children have not been supported through remote learning. The lack of understanding of what and how schools were operating and the hardships many communities were facing was disappointing. The last-minute guidance and closures of schools, the lack of devices for our pupils, usually the most disadvantaged ones, the hardships faced by many families from ill health, unemployment and isolation were all issues that schools had to deal with. School leaders, such as I, offer our aid willingly, but when we feel we are not being consulted, listened to and supported well from central government, the effect is damaging not only for the job that we do, but also for our wellbeing. This ultimately may negatively impact on the well being of our staff and pupils.
There is also the narrative of a standardised curriculum and provision recommended for all schools irrespective of demographic and context – a one size fits all, traditional model of, and for education which seems at odds with a modern world that demands curiosity and creativity. I find this unsettling, and this has become a major challenge for many Headteachers and leaders who know that this is not the best model for their school or community they serve. Igrapple with this challenge.
Many Headteachers feel that they operate in silos or in isolation. There are not enough hours in the day to dedicate time for reflection and personal nourishment. The pandemic has certainly not helped as Headteachers are on guard all day every day, thinking about the next burst bubble, or children who have faced even more trauma due to the impact of Covid. There is little respite and what we require are safe spaces to explore our personal and collective experiences. We also require autonomy to make choices and decisions that benefit our community. We need to know that we are trusted and supported in our decision making. I know of no Headteacher who does not feel accountable for the safety, and progress of their community. I also know that there must be a better way of holding schools and leaders to account for the public trust that they hold. I think the condition is right for the DfE to consider better ways to support all Headteachers, no matter how experienced they are.
I wanted to listen and learn from leaders and Headteachers across the country. I wanted to understand what the landscape of education is and what it might be if we had a better national vision for education.
The knowledge that I am not alone. I am supported and challenged, but never judged. It is being in the same room with leaders who hold the belief that our roles empower lives beyond the walls of our school. The events are inspiring and the space is a safe space to air your views and debate with respect. It is a place where you can remove your leadership mask for a while and share the emotional journey that is leadership. Leaders hioold the stories of their communities and some of those stories are peppered with trauma and sadness – HeadsUp is a place you can share these surrounded with other leaders that understand.
It has enabled me to be a stronger leader, one who is more reflective, who now knows she will always have a listening ear, and support from other committed and dedicated leaders. I like the predictability of knowing they will always be there. There is no judgment, only care, nurture and support.
Headteachers carry the ‘tomorrows’ in their hands every day. They nurture pupils, staff, and families to enable them to succeed. Who nurtures the Headteachers and show them compassion? Surely it is in the best interest of this system to support all Headteachers in the role that they play. This will require dedicated time, training, and funding. There are many routes to headship but not many ways to sustain it when you get that Headship. It cannot be down to individual schools, Trusts, and Local authorities for this sustenance as this will be inconsistent.
It is in all our best interest to do the right thing in education. One of the rare, positive outcomes of the pandemic, is the networking that has happened. Headteachers and leaders have had to source out organisations such as HeadsUp for support and the connection has been empowering. There is a belief that together, we can build a better future for all our children. However, we cannot do this is silos, without autonomy and transparency, and without the proper support. I really believe this is possible because it is already happening without the system. It would be so much better if this could also happen within the system.
What happens to those who unexpectedly come out of their jobs? Is there life beyond Headship?
What happens to those who unexpectedly come out of their jobs? Is there life beyond headship? If so, how to find it? Former headteacher Alex Atherton of Heads Up seeks the answers.
It is an unfortunate fact of life that careers do not always work out as planned. On occasion, this can result in a headteacher moving on from their post. There is a perception that once someone has left a headship in difficult circumstances there is no way back. On the evidence of the many conversations I have had in recent months, the truth is very different. The good news is that in nearly every case there is a positive outcome. This narrative needs to be articulated more often.
Heads Up @HeadsUp4HTs is a free support service set up by former headteacher James Pope. It is led by headteachers for the benefit of their peers. Initially the remit was to support those in crisis, particularly colleagues either in the process of leaving or had recently moved on with no idea of what might come next. Over time this has extended to those who can see the end coming in the near future, are wrestling with their conscience about whether to stay or go or just need someone to listen. After engaging with Heads Up some of those headteachers went on to leave their posts, but usually of their own volition and feeling they had made a positive choice. As one Head who made contact put it, “if you want to leave it will be for a reason; listen to yourself.” Others stayed in post with a clearer sense of what they really wanted and turned a corner.
There is an overwhelming consensus amongst those who have experienced difficult circumstances that it is wise to take some time out if at all possible. For some it was a couple of months, for others a year. Few stuck to their original plan and found their instincts guiding them. Almost all realised that their final months in post had taken more out of them than they thought. During this time one person realised that he had ‘done too much bargaining’ with himself in his previous post and ‘compromised’ on things he shouldn’t have. This was not obvious to him at the time.
Some applied for headship posts too soon and without being in the right frame of mind. It was only at interview, the realisation came that they had not invested enough in their recovery. Others found a hybrid position, where the opportunity arose to work on a part-time or interim basis at an equivalent level to their previous post. ‘Dipping a toe back in’ was a theme and commonly led to a surge in confidence. Sometimes this led to a realisation about what they definitely wanted to do, and sometimes the opposite, but all valued the experience.
For everyone came an opportunity to reassess their lives and their health and see what they really wanted for the years ahead. After years of working with multi-agency teams, plenty found it second nature to organise a team around themselves of family, friends and specialists such as coaches, counsellors and mentors. As another put it ‘bouncing back requires resources’, particularly if what was described by many as a ‘burning sense of injustice’ could still flicker from time to time. One commented that, ‘you aren’t the best person to comment on your own well-being.’ The most difficult moments were often not those anticipated in advance. For some it can ‘take longer to process the nature of the departure more than leaving itself’, particularly ‘when everyone else goes back for the next term and you don’t.’
Some concluded that they wanted to get back into headship, and others opted for a change of tack. For the former group the much feared reputational damage was not the issue they had imagined (people know less about your story than you think), even when a simple internet search showed the details. There are those who found themselves waiting for a job longer than they might have expected and others, to their surprise, got a job they really wanted at their first attempt. The kudos of having once been chosen to run a school, despite other circumstances, outweighed more recent events, particularly, when they could describe their positive impact and ‘own their truth.’ Those who held out against ‘downgrading yourself in terms of your own expectations’, including an inaccurate assumption that they would have to take a step backwards to move forward, reaped the rewards in the end.
For those who wanted to look elsewhere the possibilities turned out to be broader than anticipated. The modern educational landscape offers more in terms of career opportunities than was the case ten years ago. Networks and contacts came through as vital time and again, emphasising the importance of building them on the way up. Some gained permanent work as a result, others a growing range of assignments. Those whose career had all been in one organisation found it could be more difficult to get going, but never impossible in the end. Some found their ‘capacity to work and absorb pressure’ was a significant asset in other settings. A high proportion of their knowledge and skills was also transferable beyond a headteacher’s desk.
Heads Up’s services are now growing to a broader agenda that is now pro-active as well as reactive. They provide nation and local authority intentional support which is vital to those both in and coming out of, and going into headship. It is an established network that enables heads to sustain each other in the job for longer, and where coaching and professional development are on offer. It also encourages heads to be ‘positive disrupters’ in the education system and think beyond how they lead and look beyond a narrow range of accountability measures. Having peers to talk to beyond sector, local authority or MAT boundaries can make all the difference.
Written by Alex Atherton @alexatherton100 a former Headteacher and HeadsUp Advisory Member who has interviewed a number Headteachers for this piece.
James Pope (@popejames) leads Heads Up alongside Kate Smith @MrsKatieSmith. Both are former headteachers.
‘ I was impressed by how honest and vulnerable people were – that can only come from a place of deep trust.’ Reflections on #Hopes4Ed No. 8
I joined Twitter in December 2019 and the sole purpose of me joining was to see what sort of opportunities and experienceswere available for primary school children – like all schools, we want our children to have the most rounded, interesting education possible and a large part of my leadership role is to make that happen. Safe to say, that isn’t how my Twitter planworked out.
Before I start, please permit me a bit of self-indulgent talk about me so you have some background of where I am coming from.
I did my GTP year at my school, then I did my NQT year at the same school and have since taught in this same school for almost 20 years now. In that time, the school has changed name once, joined a MAT and I’ve personally changed buildings twice. I’ve seen four heads and am about to see in a fifth after Easter. The school has grown from 420 N-o-R to almost 1000. Everything at school changes constantly and it never feels old or stale yet the place offers a strange sense of security and stability. Staff tend to come and stay. Some of us old-timers (partially) joke that we are now too‘institutionalised’ to leave. For all the great things and forward thinking that happens in my school, I am aware that there are some negative effects of staying put in the same school for so long and perhaps the biggest one is my exposure to other settings has been curtailed. Plato’s Allegory of the Cave has sprung to mind on the odd occasion over the years.
I admire people who have ambition and a long-term plan for career development but I am not one of them. I am ambitious for our children but my own sense of life contentment and satisfaction has meant that I don’t tend to have much of a long term plan. That is both a blessing and a curse.
I have never been one to chase formal power or prestige or ‘the next step’. That said, I do enjoy having influence and seem to attract both naturally. I have always felt like I wasmaking a meaningful and purposeful difference so when people talk about their ‘next chapter’, I nod politely but don’t really have any deep understanding of what they mean. The question ‘where do you see your self in 3/ 5/ 10-years time?’ has always left me cold.
The idea of headship never really occurred to me, although for many years different people have said words to the effect of ‘you’d make a great head’. I recognised it on an intellectual and rational level but not an emotional level. There has always seemed to be an imperceptible, impenetrable side to headship, an ‘otherness’ that I couldn’t articulate and that I didn’t recognise in myself – I am not saying it is rational, but it is how I felt and still feel to an extent. I think a large part of that is that, as much as I respected and admired all the heads I have worked under, I didn’t recognise myself in them. The two heads that I have worked for (for a significant period of time) were both consummate diplomats and both seemed to have an ‘inner steel core’ that eluded me. Ergo, I wasn’t head material. Not that that bothered me – I didn’t have aspirationsto be a head any way. Recently, I have become more aware that this is largely all perception and I know that people who don’t know me well tend to find me ‘intimidating and scary’ at first. I have no idea why – it is an aspect of my self-obliviousness that I have never understood. But if others think it about me and I think it about others, perhaps it is all a load of smoke and mirrors.
Another thing that made me (possibly, errantly) think I was not headship material is that I have never been able to get overly excited about data. Due to a personal hobby and using it in school, I am fully conversant in how to interpret data and use it for a variety of purposes but I don’t think weighing theprobverbial pig regularly actually helps to fatten it. If I believed that the people with the highest exam results achieved the most success in life, I would be happy to roll in data. However, whilst being able to read, write and do maths is of the highest importance, I have never been able to convince myself that once a certain functional standard is achieved, it doesn’t serve much purpose other than for people who want it for specific purposes eg a particular career. Maths is actually my favourite subject to teach but, at primary level, I do think a good liberal arts education forms the structure on which to hang academic learning particularly when making connections between different topics and disciplines. I have chosen to work in an inner-city school and I believe once those ‘wider opportunities’ are in place, the rest will come in due course.
It is my belief that Ofsted and SATs, in particular, disadvantage children already suffering from disadvantage even more. The reason for this is that in order to keep Ofsted happy, one’s SATs results must be good. In order to do that, schools are put under enormous pressure to narrow the curriculum for those who would most benefit from the widest curriculum. If Ofsted has to happen, it would be enlighteningto have Ofsted inspections without the inspectors having access to the data at first – this would stop the perceptions of the inspectors being anchored to the data. I realise this can’t happen as school data is currently ubiquitous.
I think one of the things that bothers me most is the notion that disadvantage gaps can be closed solely through good teaching. If that were the case, why do those parents who value education spend so much time talking and reading to their children, taking them to places and paying for music/ sport/ arts/ foreign language tuition? And why do children and young people who are from low socio and economic backgrounds who do get good grades tend not to progress through the ranks of their chosen paths? There is getting your foot in the door and there is staying put and getting ahead.Whilst getting great grades is undoubtedly a good start, it is by no means the whole story when tackling disadvantage.
Then there are SATs: with all the research on brain development and gender differences, why does the educationsystem persist in forcing square pegs into round holes by making all children at the age of ten or eleven pass an exam that most adults would struggle with. If it comes across that I am anti-academia, let me make it clear that I am most certainly not. I do, however believe that learning takes place went the student is ready, not when the teacher decides it. I agree with children having high academic standards but I have never been able to understand the rush to get all children past the post at an arbitrary age. The high-stakes nature of SATs isn’t aligned with doing the right thing for children. Schools are disincentivised to do the right thing by their children. The nature of the current education system forces the schools with the most socio-economic issues to resolve to turn to short-term and/ or limiting solutions. Everyone knows the story about if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will never know its true ability. But the system makes schools do it anyway. Stanley Milgram’s infamous electric shock experiments spring to mind.
I have been lucky that my MAT and current head harbour some of these thoughts although they are constrained by the degree to which they can freely express it. My head has also allowed me to devote a large part of my leadership role to ‘evening up the playing field’ as best we can. It doesn’t necessarily translate straight into end of KS2 SATs results but it is our belief that it is the right thing for our children and will gush dividends for them in the long term.
Anyway, since March 2020, things have changed for me in a way I didn’t expect. I suddenly find myself thinking that if I don’t apply for headship, I am not doing only myself a disservice. I have seen the impact of our work during the pandemic and suddenly I have this new and strange feeling that I want more and to do more and to be more. I don’t necessarily want to be a head but I do want to make a difference at a wider, more strategic level and as far as I can see, the vehicle for that is headship. I am also a huge wimp and frankly quite scared to step out of my comfort zone. What am I afraid of? I don’t actually know – I think it is my own mind and my incredible imagination!
Since last March, I have found myself lurking in the world of Edutwitter and contributing the odd comment here and there. I’ve also found that I am attending more and more online workshops on areas of interest: social justice, Pupil Premium and the odd leadership course. Most of them are large gatherings or livestreams where one can watch on quietly. Sowhen the HeadsUp4HT #8 edition flashed up on my screen, I thought that I would sign up. I recognised Christalla Jamil’s name and the focus sounded interesting. It’d be my chance to find out what proper heads thought about the future of education and Ofsted without having to be diplomatic and ‘toeing the party line’.
My school uses MS Teams and for some reason, Zoom meetings are blocked on my work laptop so I log onto Zoommeetings on my phone. Like I said earlier, most of the gatherings I go to are either large affairs or there is the option to type your name into the Zoom box so the host can decide whether to let you into the meeting or not. Because of this, I don’t think it is noticeable if my phone falls over or I haven’t put a bra on and consequently, I haven’t even got around to changing my Zoom name from the default, which is the model of my phone.
So you can imagine my surprise when I slipped into the meeting earlier this week and noticed it was a very intimate gathering. Not only that but I (and my Honor Lite phone) were personally acknowledged by the host, Kate. There was nothing more that Kate or her co-host, James, could have done to be more welcoming and included everyone. Through my school, I am associated with @NottinghamCitz and they have a saying, “If you aren’t at the table, you are probably on the menu.” This was one of the few meetings that I have seen that people were genuinely listening to understand.
Another thing: many of the heads thought along the same lines as me. I found my self nodding along for pretty much the entire 90-minute session and was also impressed by how the talk was solution-focussed and psychologically safe. I was impressed by how honest and vulnerable people were – that can only come from a place of deep trust. I found myself thinking that perhaps there is a place in headship for people like me after all. When Kate, in particular, spoke – I felt like she crystallised all my deeply held beliefs. And she is a head, so…….
My partner says that making a stand on one’s own is like giving a finger – it can be snapped off easily. When like-minded people band together, a fist is formed and that is an altogether more powerful agent for change. For legal reasons, I must state that this is not a call for violence but a call for collective action!
Will I be going to another event? You bet! Perhaps, just maybe, there is a place in headship for people like me after all.
Case Study: It’s easy to ask a question but hard to actively listen; leaders genuinely listen to the response.
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I have always been ambitious and always saw myself becoming a headteacher. I don't know where I got this drive from, but it had always been there and, at the start, I was totally up for the challenge when I took on my first headship role as acting head at the age of 30. I had been at the school for a year prior to this step up, as deputy head – my first experience of senior leadership. Within six months, the school was deemed to requirespecial measures by Ofsted. Six months later, I was the acting head after the substantive head was signed off. Despite my lack of experience and lack of a senior leadership team, I set out all guns blazing and was up for the challenge, eagerly awaiting to learn from experienced colleagues who would surely be allocated to support the school by the local authority or diocese. But the help never came. Instead I found myself being set with unrealistic accountability targets, deficit budgets, the governing body resigning, forced academisation… and minimal support. However, I still had reserves of enthusiasm and tackled the barriers whilst managing to steer the school on the right trajectory to improve… and my enthusiasm quickly turned into poor work-life balance and my job becoming my identity. I now know that this was the first signs of poor mental health. I convinced myself that the school needed me to work 16-hour days, that the extra work over the weekend would leads to huge gains and that the ‘sacrifice’ of missing out on family time or socialising with friends would be worth it in the end. I’m now ashamed to say that work became so all-consuming that I was checking emails on my phone as I held my eldest daughter within hours of her arriving in the world via emergency c-section, as my wife recovered in the bed next to me. The excessive hours continued and my mental health deteriorated. I was at home so little, I struggled to form a relationship with my daughter and the first real signs of depression hit. But things were going from strength to strength at school and, when this is where the majority of your self-worth comes from, I convinced myself things were going well – and I was doing it on my own! We academised and I was really excited to now learn from the experienced colleagues within the multi-academy trust. But in truth, the support was sporadic at best and I slowly spiralled into a deeper depression as I struggled to process being diagnosed with an eating disorder and high-functioning anxiety. Surely this was the time to seek support and let someone, anyone, know what I was feeling? No. I embraced the stereotypical male mindsetand buried my issues, putting on a brave face to the world around me. No-one knew what I was going through and to everyone else I portrayed calmness and control personified. Andthis was when things started going really wrong. With the extra accountability and pressures that came with the MAT, I began to crumble. I became disorganised, unreliable, inconsistent, erratic in my mood and isolated myself to my office. More deficits to sort, the school being sued by a parent, permanent exclusions rescinded through not fault of my own and complaints to Ofsted ate away at my low levels of resilience and the inevitable happened – I was signed off after suffering chest pains at work. The six week spell away from school helped me to accept I needed help and returned to work enthusiastic and ready to open up to the MAT about my troubles. I opened up and I could feel the clouds that had consumed me clearing. Occupational health was sought and it helped and weekly check-ins kept me talking. But I knew that I needed a change. The role had taken its toll on me and I was excited to see a new role had opened up within the trust. I saw it as a fresh start and a chance to regain some confidence. I still remember that conversation with a member of the MAT central team. “You must be joking! You’re needed here!” was what I heard when I honestly shared that I felt I needed a change and I couldn’ttake the school further. My honesty fell on deaf ears and within months I’d been signed off again – but this time I never returned. The final straw? Yet more deficits to address and having to make a teacher redundant. I knew the process like the back of my hand by now and was confident I had done the calculations properly. But I didn’t have a selection panel and asked for help from the Trust. It never came and we missed the deadline, meaning the poor colleague who was maderedundant would have to start the next academic year knowing they were surplus to requirements. I’m still scarred with having to deliver that message, on my own before school on a Friday, having not slept for 2/3 days prior. I stayed professional and apologised to my colleagues, went to my office, sat under my desk and cried for a long time. I don’t really remember what happened next but my career had fallen off a cliff face and even worse, my physical and mental health had deteriorated to the point I didn’t recognise myself. I was signed off for an initial 4 weeks which became 6 months, prescribed meds and referred to therapy. In the months that followed, I went to some really dark places as I recovered from the trauma of what happened. The job had become my identify and that was gone. At my lowest, I thought the world would be better off if I wasn’t here. It has only been recently that I’ve processed the whole situation and have moved on. I now know that I was, most likely, suffering from depression and anxiety for nearly three years the day I finally burned out. But I can’t help but wonder: What if someone had really listened? What if someone recognised the signs of my poor mental health? What if someone, anyone, would have stepped in and supported right at the start? |
| I’ve learned that support is out there and no headteacher should ever feel like they’re on their own. Support networks are now all over the place and if you’re not getting the support from the authority/CEO then there are wonderful communities out there than can give you what you need.
I’ve also learned that I am strong, resilient and am so much more than a headteacher. I’ma dad, a husband, a son, a brother, a friend and I happen to work in education. |
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I truly believe that managers and leaders at all levels need to have an awareness of the symptoms associated with mental health conditions. Leadership in education is such a stressful job it is going to take a toll on anyone. It’s easy to ask a question but hard to actively listen. Leaders need to check on the welfare of their staff and genuinely listen to the response. Just because someone says they are ok, does not mean they are ok. If someone’s performance has dipped, don’t threaten with capability – offer genuine, tangible support. |
| After a short period of time out of leadership, I’ve recently taken on my second headship in another special measures school. It’s challenging, but the experience I’ve shared has made me so much stronger and, importantly, I have the network of support I need to thrive in the role. |
Case Study: when your face doesn’t fit
Never in my career did I ever believe that I would have gone through the experiences I have within Headship, especially the last few months. The last seven years have been a huge rollercoaster and a steep learning curve, not only about resilience and emotional intelligence but also about the failings within the system and how you can suddenly become so dispensable in the eyes of some. Stepping out of my role and my career has felt like a huge wrench but also liberating at the same time. A wise person (at the beginning of my end) said “There IS life after Headship and one you can enjoy” and I now wholly believe this!
I started my first and only Headship seven years ago and felt reasonably prepared through the support, training and encouragement during my Deputy Headship in a challenging area. I was excited about the difference I believed I could make in my new school and how I wanted to ensure that all pupils within the school had the opportunity to learn skills for life that were fully transferable- the most important, I believe, resilience and reciprocity. I believe that this is something I did indeed achieve, alongside enabling pupils to dream and aspire to futures they had no idea could be possible. I also drew together an extremely divided community that was angry and resentful of each other. It also became apparent very quickly that the identification and support required to address the huge number of safeguarding issues was going to be one of my biggest challenges- opening the eyes of others to what can happen (and often did) in the lives of our precious young learners, many of whom were not in a position to start to learn because their basic needs were not being met. I know that hand on heart, when during my time at the school, it was always a place of safety and security for everyone and I had enabled this ethos of nurture and tailored support to grow and flourish.
Headship always felt like an enormous privilege and I put everything I had into it, as we all do. Not only was I meeting the challenge of a school that needed so much development it was hard to know where to start and historical results were too low, but I had no mentor from the local authority and was left ‘to get on with it’. Over time, we were successful in many new areas which were of benefit to the pupils and the school- achieving local accolades for our new award-winning choir, staff achieving local education awards for inspiring teaching and our Outdoor Learning provision, to name a few.
Sadly, the positives did not outweigh the sadness and loss within the school. Within 2 months of starting at the school a member of staff passed away from a sudden illness. Leading and supporting others with whom you had only just met was indeed a challenge, but it made us stronger and connected as a team. Who knew what was yetto come! In the following few years, I led and navigated the school through a local double murder (a former pupil of the school and their mother, who was an employee at the school) along with subsequent national and international press/ interviews and speaking at their funerals, the sudden suicide of a young member of staff anda court case of SEND discrimination (that was finally dismissed) to name a few. This was on top of school improvement and staff who weren’t open to change. On reflection (whether it was right or wrong in the eyes of some) I opened my heart to support and protect others, enabling them to heal and grieve but never really allowed myself that same grace. As a team we built ourselves back up with the self-sought support of the Samaritans, but not once did the local authority or governors recognise the impact it was having on me and offer support for my wellbeing. It is only now that I can recognise how much that was needed and how empty my ‘bucket’ had become. I even recall telling the Director of Education at the start of a Heads meeting that I was having panic attacks on the way to work and had to pull over several times before I could complete journeys -the advice given was to simply work from home one afternoon a week! This also matched the lack of school improvement support the school was offered historically being on the edge of the county.
It was after this that I started to look into the future security and growth of the school and decided to engage in research with regards to joining an Academy Trust. I felt that I eventually found one whose values aligned with ours and felt that they had listened to the journey of the school and they understood the huge challenges we/I had been facing. How naïve was I?! I did not realise that signing the conversion documents was in effect signing away my position in the school.
Following conversion, I received praise from the Trust and continued to work effectively with them, even during the first national lockdown and no issues were raised. At the start of the new academic year my eyes were well and truly opened and I began to wonder whether there was a plan to replace me. I then personally understood the meaning of the term ‘gas lighting’ and no matter what I did or achieved, the behaviours of the senior team from the Trust made me question everything I did and said and made me so confused and anxious about every move I made. Things that were said in passing were jumped upon and recorded as an issue (with no conversation) and I felt that I was constantly looking over my shoulder. I even started to believe that the was a conspiracy and new members of staff were part of the drive to push me out. It became unbearable and after approximately four weeks I was completely blindsided when a planned meeting suddenly turned into a meeting to raise concerns over my ability to lead the school. It felt as though my whole being crumbled and that my heart had been ripped out. I became frozen and numb and forgot how to function for a while.
Now out the other side, having rebuilt some of my confidence, self-belief and self-worth, I can see how toxic the situation had become and how I am now better off giving myself some time to heal and dream about what I might like to do next. I’ve never stopped to do this before - it feels very alien. I miss the children so much but know that the staff in school will continue to meet their needs and support them through the change to come.
I have realised that no matter what you do or how hard to try to hold on as tight as you can, when your face doesn’t fit, you have no control over what happens next. I have also realised that no matter what has happened, I was a successful and effective teacher/ Deputy Headteacher and Headteacher and no one can take that away from me. I did achieve more than I set out to and can hold my head up high- it is those who treat people so poorly that should hang their heads low- not me. The hardest realisation of all has been how easy it had been to become so absorbed in Headship and the pressures surrounding the role, and how I had neglected those who mean the most to me- my partner, my family and my friends. I am now ‘present’ in the room, I smile and laugh at silly things everyday and now have time to do so many things to make them smile. I am using my creative abilities to make things and gain so much pleasure from completing each project. Before now, this was only a luxury I afforded to myself in the summer holiday for about two weeks!
I have been known to have ‘wobbles’ at random times and question my ‘identity’ now I no longer work in education, but I try and remember the words of my partner during one of these wobbles….“You are you, you are my partner who I have with me again, you are a supportive daughter to your ageing parents, you are an amazing step-mum to my daughter, a mum to our puppy and an amazing friend to so many- never forget that!”
I also want to thank both James Pope and Kate Smith for being there when I reached out for help- your support, advice, counsel and presence were always timely and I wouldn’t have healed as well without you. I have started to dip my toe further into HeadsUp and have been amazed at how quickly I felt at ease to share my thoughts and felt valued. HeadsUp is a safe space, a thought-provoking space and a space I will use throughout the future!